If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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