She's JV to your varsity
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
