guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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