Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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