I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
