You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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