I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
