You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
