So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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