I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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