Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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