You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My life is pants optional.
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