Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
