last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
