So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
