I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
