"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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