yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So squirting runs in the family.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
