it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
