i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
