We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's the barista slut.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
