i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
