We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
