You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
