his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize