I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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