The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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