Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
