this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
