yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
