she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize