he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
