we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
