Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
