Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i've created a new STD.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there is puke in my bra ... again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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