Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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