I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
