just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
