Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
