I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
