i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
