i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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