Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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