Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i will never coherently bang her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
