I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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