Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
