you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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