OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
