it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
