Umm I'm too high to move.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
