apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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