i don't like sucking hair
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
