I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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