this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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