He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
