I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
