Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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