No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
