I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, beer. Big fan.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize