I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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