i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
