I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
