so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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