What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
