Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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