dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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