in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
