i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
