Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
