i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
